I miss you.

What is wrong with me? What's happening? Why can't I just settle my heart in one place? And why the hell can't I find an answer to all of this?

I miss him, my ex boyfriend. And yet I don't. I miss having a boyfriend, I miss the kisses, the security. I miss being blind by love. I miss having a free pass in my own mind, from everything else in life. He was my life. Now am I dead once again? I need someone to come wake me up again. But wait, not just anyone. Not a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a lover. Someone who will make me feel that unexplainable feeling once again, for I've felt it only once and need it again. Like a drug. He was my first love, I truly loved him. I am over him, but I do miss him once in a while. Being around him doesn't make me feel good, it makes me long for him, it makes me want to be closer to him. The desire to be the one last thought he has before he falls asleep. The one he is willing to sacrifice else for. I want us to try once again, but I don't at the same time. I know it will be hard, but there is love which solves everything. I guess I didn't see that before. I recognize my mistakes and those I won't repeat again. I need someone new to show me that there is someone else who can steal my heart, and this time, treat it well.

I miss her, my first true best friend & also first wife.
I miss some more happy people who brighten me, certain ones, of course.
I miss what is now, for it will all go away at a certain time.

Other than that, my heart seemed to have liked someone, wanted to connect with his heart, but now I think it was all just an illusion. It's like when I truly like someone, my heart feels a sort of satisfaction when I'm around that person. But yesterday, I just didn't feel it. I need someone strong-willed who will make me happy when I am down, not make me even sadder. I need someone who will trust me with his heart, and I will promise I'll do it only well if he'll also do mine only well. I need someone who will teach me more of the things love can do.

Love is what brings us together, and what seperates us too. It is a stereotypical being. Why does it exist? And yet, why do we all have a craving, a desire, long for it?
It's a curse, a possesion, and a spell.